Baby due June 24
March 28th, 2011
November 13th, 2009
Needing To Be
She was the first to start avoiding once it was done. Jane did not know where Charles currently was or what was going through his mind, but Jane needed the space to process her memories. Memories she really shouldn't have, but the insanity of this world had bestowed upon her. All due to Halloween costumes. Perhaps they should have learned after last year's fiasco that cost her her life, a life she was luckily able to regain, but those events had taken their toll on everyone. While it had brought Charles and Jane together, it seemed others had been torn apart and hadn't quite made it back to where they should be.
A breeze picked up and Jane rubbed her arms, trying to will away the chill. It did no good as she felt coldness seep further into her body. Was that truly what Henry did to Katherine? Was that truly how he felt and the things he said to her? Did Katherine truly want to continue that life? Would that have been *her* life had she not been brought to this place and out of the arms of her king? Maybe it had been better that in history she had died so soon after her beloved son's birth. She never fell out of such favor with the man she would have called husband. Had Henry every truly loved... anyone beyond himself?
"You hate me now."
The words were soft, barely audible. But they had startled her, causing her to jump. She didn't need to see the wince he gave. Slowly turning, Jane faced her husband. As much as she reminded herself that it had been the costume, that this was *Charles* and not Henry, she still could not supress the shiver that stole over her. She could see how the events of last night haunted him as well. Demons that they now felt, now had memory of in acute clarity, haunted them both.
"I could never hate you."
He watched her. Trying to see the lie in her words, trying to see where she covered her hate and her fear. The silence that lasted between them swelled and filled until Jane literally saw his body dissolve as the rising pain, terror and despair was purged from his body. Had he really thought she would hate him? Is that why he felt so tortured? Not just to know the inner depth of the truth behind his best friend's head regarding the very Queen that Charles was loyal to, but that he could possibly lose the love of his wife. A love neither ever expected to have or run so true?
"Oh, Charles."
Just a whisper, then movement. Soon she felt his arms around her, crushing her to his chest. She'd never seen him cry, not even when they were finally wed. She never remembered seeing tears in their true time when he thought he would lose his King forever after the jousting accident. But here, now, in this world, she felt them as they dampened loose locks of her hair and slipped from his skin to hers as he buried his face in her neck. She felt the hitch of his chest and shoulders, the only other outward sign of how deep his distress ran.
They would be okay. They would move past this, both earning a few more scars on their souls from the knowledge they gained. Right now they simply needed each other. Not a need gained from passion nor the feel of his body sinking into hers so deeply that neither knew where one ended and the other began.
This was a need, an intimacy, that went even deeper than physical. The physical touch they gained and reveled in simply anchored the need to let their minds, hearts and souls rest with one another. Find solace in one another. They didn't need the feel of their skin pressed to one another, but eventually it would lead to that, but for now they simply needed to be them.
A breeze picked up and Jane rubbed her arms, trying to will away the chill. It did no good as she felt coldness seep further into her body. Was that truly what Henry did to Katherine? Was that truly how he felt and the things he said to her? Did Katherine truly want to continue that life? Would that have been *her* life had she not been brought to this place and out of the arms of her king? Maybe it had been better that in history she had died so soon after her beloved son's birth. She never fell out of such favor with the man she would have called husband. Had Henry every truly loved... anyone beyond himself?
"You hate me now."
The words were soft, barely audible. But they had startled her, causing her to jump. She didn't need to see the wince he gave. Slowly turning, Jane faced her husband. As much as she reminded herself that it had been the costume, that this was *Charles* and not Henry, she still could not supress the shiver that stole over her. She could see how the events of last night haunted him as well. Demons that they now felt, now had memory of in acute clarity, haunted them both.
"I could never hate you."
He watched her. Trying to see the lie in her words, trying to see where she covered her hate and her fear. The silence that lasted between them swelled and filled until Jane literally saw his body dissolve as the rising pain, terror and despair was purged from his body. Had he really thought she would hate him? Is that why he felt so tortured? Not just to know the inner depth of the truth behind his best friend's head regarding the very Queen that Charles was loyal to, but that he could possibly lose the love of his wife. A love neither ever expected to have or run so true?
"Oh, Charles."
Just a whisper, then movement. Soon she felt his arms around her, crushing her to his chest. She'd never seen him cry, not even when they were finally wed. She never remembered seeing tears in their true time when he thought he would lose his King forever after the jousting accident. But here, now, in this world, she felt them as they dampened loose locks of her hair and slipped from his skin to hers as he buried his face in her neck. She felt the hitch of his chest and shoulders, the only other outward sign of how deep his distress ran.
They would be okay. They would move past this, both earning a few more scars on their souls from the knowledge they gained. Right now they simply needed each other. Not a need gained from passion nor the feel of his body sinking into hers so deeply that neither knew where one ended and the other began.
This was a need, an intimacy, that went even deeper than physical. The physical touch they gained and reveled in simply anchored the need to let their minds, hearts and souls rest with one another. Find solace in one another. They didn't need the feel of their skin pressed to one another, but eventually it would lead to that, but for now they simply needed to be them.